An abridged history of unionist claims and “promises”

2014

Unionists:  “We’re better together.  Your pensions and welfare will be safer with the broad shoulders of the UK to safeguard them.”

Yessers:  “Don’t believe them…they’re liars.”

2017

Yessers:  “They have robbed the WASPI women, increased the pension age to 68, taken the motability cars from thousands of disabled people, sanctioned the benefits of tens of thousands more, declared thousands fit for work who subsequently died, and overseen a massive rise in foodbank use because people can’t afford to feed themselves; all while bringing in £73bn in tax cuts for corporations and the super rich, and voting themselves another huge pay rise.”

Unionists:

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2014

Unionists:  Don’t worry, Labour will win the election next year and we won’t need independence.  Labour created the NHS, the minimum wage, and devolution.  They have our interests at heart and things will be good.”

Yessers:  “Don’t believe them…they’re liars.”

2015

Yessers: “The Tories won.  Thanks a lot.  We now have an ultra-right Tory Government for the foreseeable future and the lunatics want to have a vote to leave the EU.”

Unionists:

giphy (1)

2014

Unionists:  “We have made a VOW!  After a “No” vote, the Holyrood Parliament will be made permanent in Law, as will the Sewell Convention.  Scotland will get literally billions of super duper new powers.  You’ll be able alter tax and welfare to create real reform and take control of your economy.  It will literally be the most powerful devolved parliament anywhere in the world.  It will be the closest thing to Home Rule ever, almost federalism.”

Yessers:  “Don’t believe them…they’re liars.”

2017

Yessers:  “So, they delivered next to nothing.  Not a single thing of significance.  A dodgy income tax power that can’t really be used, but that they will tell us we have at every opportunity in order to blame the Scot Gov for Tory austerity, and control over road signs.  Only 9% of Scots actually thought that they kept their “vow”.  Holyrood still isn’t permanent, the Sewell convention isn’t worth the paper it’s written on and didn’t stand up in the Supreme Court, and every single one of the 120 amendments to the Scotland Act put forward by Scotland’s elected representatives were rejected out of hand by the Tory UK Government.  The think tank Reform Scotland says the “new powers” are insufficient to allow Scotland to undertake any meaningful reform.  We don’t have the “world’s most powerful devolved parliament”; the bloody Faroe Isles with a population that about equals that of Kirkcaldy has a far more powerful parliament than we do.  A Swiss bloody Canton has a more powerful parliament, as does any US state, any Canadian Province, any German State, any Mexican State, Gibraltar, the Isle of Man, Jersey, Greenland, the canary Islands, Bermuda, the Falklands and countless others.  “World’s most powerful devolved parliament”?  You must think our heads are zipped up the back”.

Unionists:

giphy (2)

2014

Unionists:  “If you vote “Yes”, hundreds of thousands of jobs will be lost.  HMRC will move their offices to England.  Only the UK’s broad shoulders can safeguard the oil industry jobs and the Steel jobs.  Only remaining in the UK can protect defense jobs”.

Yessers:  “Don’t believe them…they’re liars.”

2017

Yessers:  “Ahem, so, we voted “No” just like you said we should to protect jobs, and well, er, HMRC closed their offices and moved to England anyway.  TATA Steel mothballed the last two steel plants while the UK Government watched and did absolutely nothing.  65,000 oil jobs were lost while the UK’s “broad shoulders” were nowhere to be seen and they did precisely nothing to help, and Scotland was subjected to the deepest military cuts anywhere in the UK.

Unionists:

giphy (3)

2014

Unionists:  “We must stay in the UK for the sake of our energy industry.  UK subsidies support the flourishing Scottish renewables industry, and our power stations sell to the rest of the UK.  The UK market makes that affordable.  Also, you “Nats” are starting to sound a bit mental with your ridiculous conspiracy theories about there being a massive oil field discovered off the west of Shetland that the British Government are keeping secret until after the vote”.

Yessers:  “Don’t believe them…they’re liars.”

2017

Yessers:  “So…pretty much as soon as the vote was won, and the union was safe, the UK Government massively cut all subsidies to the Scottish renewables industry.  Longannet Power Station was forced to close after they levied massive transmission charges that made it uneconomical, and lo and behold; the discovery of a massive oil field off the west of Shetland was announced.  We don’t sound quite so much like conspiracy theory nuts anymore do we Mr. Unionist?  Turns out we were spot on”.

Unionists:

giphy (4)

2014

Unionists:  “Companies want the certainty of the UK.  Lot’s of companies will leave Scotland if we vote “Yes”.  B&Q, Michelle Mone, Lloyds, and Scottish Widows have all said they will leave”.

Yessers:  “Don’t believe them…they’re liars.”

2017

Yessers:  “So, we voted “No”, we’re still in the UK, and B&Q still closed 60 stores.  The others left anyway, just like HMRC, except Lloyds who have said they still might”.

Unionists:

giphy (5)

2014

Unionists:  “If we vote for independence we’ll be out of the EU.  We’ll lose our membership and have to reapply.  We’ll be at the back of the queue, and anyway, we’ll never get back in, because Spain will veto it to protect themselves from Catalan independence.  We’ll be out of the single market which will have a devastating impact on our economy.  It just isn’t worth it”.

Yessers:  “Don’t believe them…they’re liars.”

2017

Yessers:  “You utter bastards.  We voted “No”.  We stayed in the UK and we got an EU referendum for our troubles.  We voted to stay in the EU and we’re being dragged out anyway, against our will, because England says so.  In fact, that means we have voted to remain in the EU twice, and are being removed from it only because we are still in the UK.  If we had voted for independence this insanity wouldn’t be happening; we’d be sitting up here bemused but secure in the single market, as England voted to commit economic suicide”.

Unionists:

giphy (6)

STILL 2017

Yessers:  “So, we’re seeing a distinct common theme here.  Basically, pretty much everything the UK Government and their unionist cheerleaders say tends to turn out to be complete pish.  Surely, there is no intelligent person left in Scotland who would continue to believe a single word that any UK Establishment personality, or other promoter of the union says”.

Unionists:  “Of course we should believe them.  We must remain in the union.  It’s the most glorious union ever to exist in history, besides, we have a massive budget deficit.  A black hole.  We’d be bankrupt within weeks if we tried to go it alone.  We’d be like Greece without the sun.

Yessers:

giphy (7)

 

 

 

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