The Fair Weather Scottish Secretary.

David Mundell and Ruth Davidson:  “The Scottish Government’s Brexit impact reports are pure nonsense.  They’re just scare mongering.”

Media:  “OK, we’ll dutifully publish that statement in every news outlet in the land.  Now, can we see the UK Government’s reports into the impact of Brexit on Scotland?”

David Mundell: “There are no Scotland specific Brexit impact reports. They don’t exist”.

“Non-existent” reports are leaked.

Media: You said these reports didn’t exist, but they do, and they’re even more pessimistic than the Scottish Government one.  Any comment Mr. Mundell?

David Mundell: “Sorry I can’t answer now, I’ve coincidentally been called away to the far-east, where I will be unavailable for comment for a few weeks”.

Media: “Maybe Ruth Davidson would care to answer?”

Ruth Davidson: “Sorry, I have coincidentally been called to Afghanistan to pose for carefully shot propaganda pics with land mines, while wearing massive union flags on my arms like a pound-shop Princess Diana”.

Look at these shit foreign land mines.  They just fall apart.  Buy good quality British mines instead.

Two weeks (and countless SNPbaaaad headlines) pass.



Mundell returns.

Media:  “Welcome back Mr. Mundell.  What did you get up to in the far East?

David Mundell:  “Erm…stuff.”

Media: “Are you going to answer the question now that you’re back Mr. Mundell? You are on record as saying there is no analysis of Brexit impact on Scotland. Do you regret saying that now and are you able now to apologise?”

David Mundell: “I’ve said, in relation to the very specific questions, that I’ve been asked, I’ve given a factual answer. Clearly various types of analysis have been done, some documents have been leaked but they were not the complete picture and certainly the most recently leaked document didn’t reflect at all the Prime Minister’s preferred outcome. I’ve never disputed that there were challenges in terms of Brexit, but I want and prefer to focus on the opportunities because I’m very clear that such opportunities exist.”

(At least) half of Scotland:

giphy (1)

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